DAMN ITS BEEN FOREVER!!

A few years ago, I visited the Air and Space Museum at DC. Turns out that a long time ago, when I was still in my fathe-there were standards to become an airline stewardess. Basically its the same standards models would have to fulfill. Have to be a certain weight, have to be a certain height and have to look a certain way. Why did this thing get abolished, repealed, thrown out or deemed inappropriate.

I believe that those standards, no matter how unfair and sexist they are helped the US economy. Now keep in mind that I'm only a high school senior but I think I'm on to something. With the growing amount of fat, perverted men in the United States, money can be reaped but no, not in sleazy strip clubs. NO!!! I'm talking about classy, high altitude fashion shows.

Admit it men! You would pay $100 to fly anywhere if flight attendants were hot like in the old days. It might even help with promotions at work. Yo! Adamson, I need you to fly to Japan to talk to some boring Japanese dude about boring business deals...

Today's response: "I'm sorry but I have a family emergency, my Great Aunt Sally is very ill and she might kick the bucket soon"

Today's response if there's a hot stewardess: "Is it a connect flight? Nevermind, yes sir, I'll take care of it."

See, it boosts initiative in the work place.

Don't do it, you still have a ...

So, where I live, there is this bridge that occasionally becomes a suicide spot. Now, first of all, I don't support suicide because everything can be fixed (maybe not AIDS), so ending you're life is pretty stupid. If you do try to commit suicide, at least go out with a bang (not, literally, I hope not literally).

I mean, lets face it, hanging you're self, come on, where's the originality, the creativeness, the excitement? The exciting part is finding out that you're already peeling and collapsing ceiling is supporting you're weight but other than that, its pretty boring. Then there's the trigger happy idiot. So, its a quick and painless death but think of the mess! Brain, blood, skull fragments everywhere! Man, that is just lame.

Now, jumping off of somewhere, now that's dare devilish! You got the cheering for you to jump from annoyed, impatient business men going. Then the jumping part, the adrenaline, just imagine that shit. Must be fun.

Sky diving without a chute. Thats another fun thing, at least you got to do something fun before ending you're life. Imagine what the obituary would say, "He was a bold man challenging himself till the end!"

But seriously, you're life is too valuable to end, and you only have one, unless you believe in reincarnation, then have fun being a cow! So, what if your girlfriend dumped you? Go suck it up and enjoy life. Go to Paris, London, try extreme sports, buy an expensive car, punch an abusive co-worker, cuss out that asshole of a boss. Try to learn something you've always wanted to learn whether its playing a guitar or flying a plane. Life is full of adventure and opportunities, so go and take advantage of 'em. Don't just go killing yourself because you lost you're house, one of you're loved ones that was close to you died or you're special someone broke up with you. Yes, it hurts and true, emotional scars never heal but it can be buried and replaced with a special memory.

Seriously, I think people who try to end their lives are stupid. They're so close minded and too blind to see the world and enjoy it. They rely too much on one person, or one thing. I think the most ignorant suicidal maniac would be the person who think they can't do anything or can't make a difference. "Oh, well I lost my job and my wife and kids, I'm no use, I'll just die!" Good job, now you are definitely no use. At least if you stayed alive, you could've tried to start a movement or a hobby that might raise awareness about an issue. You could go around and help people who can't help themselves, listen to their problems and who knows, you might find a new friend in the process. So to all the suicidal people in the world, don't be stupid and pick yourself up and try to talk to someone. Misery loves company, so go find a miserable person and help them and in the process, you can heal yourself by seeing that anything is possible and that whatever happens, you can still move on as long as you apply yourself!

Finding out who's the genius in the group

So, everyone has that friend who has a 3.5+ GPA right? Well, these days, GPA's just don't cut it anymore, the public demand common sense! So, want to find out who has common sense in your group of friends? Follow these instructions:

1)Find a spot to practice a seemingly dangerous act and practice the act flawlessly without you're friends finding out, (ie: Skill-less skateboarder (you) attempting to do a kickflip, the you practiced in secrecy and as far as your friends know, you know nothing about the fundamentals of pulling off anything)

2)Ask a friend to (or you do it yourself) Bring a filming device (cell phone, iPod Nano, camera, etc...)

3) Invite all you're friends for a hangout night

4) Tell you're friend to film you doing said stunt (everyone has that friend who really wants to see you get hurt for entertainment value)

5) IMPORTANT: Fake wiping out (or not, get bonus originality/stupidity points and an awesome scar if you're lucky)

6) Lay down as if you're dead (if faking) or watch the video and see who asks if you're alright and keeps asking it after getting no response or someone who immediately says "Call 911" after asking if you're alright

Obviously, the dude who asked if you're okay repeatedly is a dumbass since it should hit him that you're unconscious after the "accident" and the smart one is the guy who reacted by trying to save you're life.

Weird

So, I had a dream last night. I don't if it was dream or not because 'tis actually horrible which may turn it into a nightmare but its funny to some degree if you picture the whole thing happening which makes it a dream.

Anyway, here's the dream.

I was talking to a girl and she was very beautiful, almost model like. So we talk and then suddenly she pulled out some deadly weapons and tried to kill me. Using my Asian ninja skills, I quickly dodged her attacks and punched her in the face, knocking her down. Then, she said in a sweet, angelic, playful voice, "Ben! You're horrible" or was it, "Ben, you suck!" but anyway, she did say that. So I said sorry and picker her up, carrying her. I walked up the stairs and everything turned into a girly fantasy of princesses and princes, the prince being me. Now, the lighting becomes so intense that the girl almost looked like a glowing angel. As I look at her with passion in my eyes and love in my heart, she looked back at me. We stared into each other's eyes and she said in her soft voice, "I Love You!" Surprised and angered, I drop her onto the stairs and said, "YOU BITCH!" and I walked off.

T2 or New Moon

Okay, so who won in the movie battle of 2009. Obviously, Avatar but we'll throw that option away since, its still in theaters and its 2010, the two main movies have been Transformers and New Moon. Wait, what about Harry Potter and Up? Well, Up is a kid's movie and Harry Potter got old after the first 3 movies so back to New Moon and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Everyone knows that Megan Fox's sexy body and Taylor Lautner's ripped physic are irresistable, so who exactly won. According to Yahoo, New Moon came in 5th with a total gross of $288,548,185 while Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen relieved $402,111,870 placing it 1st. Who cares about numbers, lets ask the fans...um...me...well the bias fan.

Makayla (Megan Fox) vs. Jacob (Taylor Lautner)

40% of guys said that Megan Fox is Hotter

35% of guys said Taylor Lautner is Hotter

15% of guys says bullshit

10% of guys are undecided

Clear winner, Megan Fox but I'm worried about the 35% of guys saying Taylor Lautner is way hotter, because 1) they watched New Moon 2) are they straight?

Optimus Prime's waxed body or Edward's (Robert Pattenson) glowing body

Okay, seriously, who the fuck makes a vampire glow when exposed to sunlight? WHO??? What the fuck people! I swear, Twilight ruined everything about vampires, yes they have feelings but no, they're not crazy romantic. Enough about my rant.

Car enthusiast say that Optimus Prime's waxed body is way better since they can see their big chinned, Italian reflection on it. Kristen Stewart said that Robert wasn't supposed to glow but his uncontrollable sweating and the lighting on the set made it so that he glowed. So, its a disgusting tie!

One more thing, anyone notice that Megan Fox's white pants in the movie didn't seem to get dirty until the fight sequences and believe me, rolling in sand and desert and huddling in mud huts will make white pants dirty. Seriously, its like, clean, clean, clean, hey! a smudge, clean and wtf happened, theres burns and dust and sand and mud on her pants, how did it get dirty that fast?

Disclaimer: The statistics, besides the one cited and quotes or opinions in this entry were all from me. They're imaginary.

You Know What...

You know what I never get, Asians that don't appreciate their culture. Now, lets get one thing straight, I love styled hair and drifting as much as the next guy but thats not the Asian culture. Im talking about eating the food, absorbing the history and being proud to be what you are. I don't really know where I'm going with this...Seriously, I don't even know the Asian culture because Asia is a continent. I'm not going to cover every thing.

Okay, Chinese people...um...fuck, what is the culture for Chinese people? Like, making crappy products and shipping it to the U.S.? Making crappy condoms? Aha! No wonder China is over populated!

Japanese, dude, okay, first of all, they also lost their culture. Damn, the freaking disturbing crap they do. That is just sick man. Funny though. Ah! Cars! Yea, Japanese cars are great, really reliable but that not their culture, its more like eating sushi and rice, singing karaoke and drinking sake.

Man...I don't know why you're still reading, I mean seriously, this post is going nowhere. I could do Tiger Woods joke but all the late night comedians used them up.

How to escape to Mexico without spending a lot of money

Well, first of all, why do you need to escape to Mexico? That's a little weird, man. Anyway, first, if you're not Mexican, buy a mustache, a poncho and a sombrero. Practice your Mexican accent and learn Spanish while you're hiding from whoever or whatever it is you're hiding from. This is the most important part of the plan. Listen! EAT FOOD! Somewhere between the buying and the learning, you'll forget about food and thats important. Now, what you want to do is go to the parking lot of Home Depot and pretend you're an illegal immigrant. Get hired to do a few jobs here and there, just to make some money. After a few jobs, take all of you're money and put it in a zip lock bag and get a surgeon and tell the surgeon to make an insertion on your back and stow away the money. After the job is done, kill the surgeon and take his money (hey, if you're on the run and about to lose your life anyway, this won't be a problem). Now, what you want to do is go to a pay phone relatively close to the home depot parking lot, call immigration and wait in the parking lot. This is where the Spanish, the poncho, the accent, the sombrero and the mustache come in. Put all that together and act really, really, really Mexican and illegal. Immigration will catch you, they won't find any documentations and assume your an illegal immigrant. They will deport you, which is practically free and there, you're in Mexico. Now befriend a Mexican, make sure he's a good friend, not some back stabbing drug dealer. Once you've established he's safe and a friend, get a scalpel and some stitches and have him open up the area where you stowed the money. After that, give him about two dollars, exchange the rest of the money in Pesos, go to work and have some mojitos and just chill with some hot Latinas.