How to escape to Mexico without spending a lot of money

Well, first of all, why do you need to escape to Mexico? That's a little weird, man. Anyway, first, if you're not Mexican, buy a mustache, a poncho and a sombrero. Practice your Mexican accent and learn Spanish while you're hiding from whoever or whatever it is you're hiding from. This is the most important part of the plan. Listen! EAT FOOD! Somewhere between the buying and the learning, you'll forget about food and thats important. Now, what you want to do is go to the parking lot of Home Depot and pretend you're an illegal immigrant. Get hired to do a few jobs here and there, just to make some money. After a few jobs, take all of you're money and put it in a zip lock bag and get a surgeon and tell the surgeon to make an insertion on your back and stow away the money. After the job is done, kill the surgeon and take his money (hey, if you're on the run and about to lose your life anyway, this won't be a problem). Now, what you want to do is go to a pay phone relatively close to the home depot parking lot, call immigration and wait in the parking lot. This is where the Spanish, the poncho, the accent, the sombrero and the mustache come in. Put all that together and act really, really, really Mexican and illegal. Immigration will catch you, they won't find any documentations and assume your an illegal immigrant. They will deport you, which is practically free and there, you're in Mexico. Now befriend a Mexican, make sure he's a good friend, not some back stabbing drug dealer. Once you've established he's safe and a friend, get a scalpel and some stitches and have him open up the area where you stowed the money. After that, give him about two dollars, exchange the rest of the money in Pesos, go to work and have some mojitos and just chill with some hot Latinas.